Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
