I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she told me i tasted like america
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
