Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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