I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
