as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
