At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
