Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
