Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
