Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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