Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
