That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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