okay pat passed out under dana's car
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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