and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
