This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
