why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
