im six kinds of drunk right now
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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