I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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