Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
