Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
