woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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