yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Drunk is not a location!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
