Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
