I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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