He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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