Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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