i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
