ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
