i would punch a child for taco bell
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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