OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
