I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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