he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
