I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
