glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
