I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
