so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
