yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
