After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
