Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
