It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Can you bring me the toilet please
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
