Texts From Last Night · sgrace's Favorites

Sorry Hinata hasn't picked any favorites yet.

sgrace's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

(706): View more from Georgia

I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?

Fav 2 821 499
share tweet
(585): View more from New York

The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club

(716): View more from New York

You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall

Fav 0 1069 490
share tweet

(541): View more from Oregon

Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.

Fav 4 1555 586
share tweet
(312): View more from Illinois

guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.

Fav 4 1112 573
share tweet
(317): View more from Indiana

Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING

Fav 6 1251 525
share tweet
(216): View more from Ohio

We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.

Fav 2 899 543
share tweet

(682): View more from Texas

I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.

Fav 10 1315 754
share tweet

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.

Fav 5 1054 575
share tweet
(720): View more from Colorado

He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....

Fav 3 795 1075
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.

Fav 3 1244 592
share tweet
(415): View more from California

I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.

Fav 1 1063 713
share tweet

(423): View more from Tennessee

hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.

Fav 5 2088 749
share tweet

(507): View more from Minnesota

Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill

Fav 4 670 1483
share tweet
(425): View more from Washington

I could run a drunk marathon in heels

Fav 3 732 484
share tweet

(304): View more from West Virginia

Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.

Fav 1 936 509
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.

Fav 2 474 1046
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan

Fav 1 802 559
share tweet
(631): View more from New York

Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.

Fav 10 579 1267
share tweet
(425): View more from Washington

My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with

Fav 2 1184 662
share tweet
(386): View more from Florida

Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today

Fav 1 1037 512
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.

Fav 1 1481 700
share tweet
(912): View more from Georgia

Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.

(404): View more from Georgia

STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!

Fav 19 3748 1034
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how

Fav 4 1169 626
share tweet
(317): View more from Indiana

I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?

Fav 3 462 708
share tweet
(646): View more from New York

I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.

Fav 5 1362 505
share tweet
(507): View more from Minnesota

Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?

Fav 7 853 652
share tweet
(740): View more from Ohio

my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?

Fav 6 1149 625
share tweet
(571): View more from Virginia

Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting

Fav 1 634 797
share tweet
(+45): View more from Denmark

Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?

Fav 21 1296 1639
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.

Fav 3 1067 605
share tweet
(940): View more from Texas

Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.

Fav 2 911 542
share tweet
(405): View more from Oklahoma

I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.

Fav 10 2118 697
share tweet
(859): View more from Kentucky

Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.

Fav 8 1125 807
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."

Fav 5 819 576
share tweet
(217): View more from Illinois

Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.

Fav 3 1099 552
share tweet
(417): View more from Missouri

So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?

Fav 3 950 526
share tweet
(310): View more from California

he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party

Fav 1 622 1308
share tweet
(323): View more from California

Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not

(818): View more from California

Stop it right now

(323): View more from California

This time face forward

Fav 2 842 552
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.

Fav 1 717 795
share tweet
(407): View more from Florida

I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes

Fav 5 895 670
share tweet
(760): View more from California

I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.

Fav 4 966 640
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.

Fav 5 1433 623
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.

Fav 5 1293 898
share tweet
(225): View more from Louisiana

I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.

Fav 5 961 661
share tweet
(440): View more from Ohio

The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore

Fav 4 1084 613
share tweet
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.

Fav 5 1834 739
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.

Fav 1 720 475
share tweet
(206): View more from Washington

I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole

Fav 2 906 528
share tweet
(775): View more from Nevada

she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much

(702): View more from Nevada

you puked ON HER

Fav 7 746 1232
share tweet
(804): View more from Virginia

The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.

Fav 6 1187 567
share tweet
(702): View more from Nevada

we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night

Fav 7 1277 552
share tweet
(212): View more from New York

i want you now

(916): View more from California

you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

Fav 148 8160 70874
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

(1-404): View more from Georgia

Two?

(404): View more from Georgia

Two.

Fav 264 5197 80177
share tweet
(314): View more from Missouri

So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

Fav 800 8590 112716
share tweet
(850): View more from Florida

I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.

Fav 2 1569 647
share tweet
(515): View more from Iowa

I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.

Fav 0 855 655
share tweet
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML

Fav 8 1874 796
share tweet
(613): View more from Ontario

The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame

Fav 4 844 514
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.

Fav 5 1244 632
share tweet
(405): View more from Oklahoma

Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.

Fav 3 925 645
share tweet
(413): View more from Massachusetts

Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.

Fav 4 835 731
share tweet
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.

Fav 3 1090 653
share tweet
(757): View more from Virginia

Oh and I'm kind of in the library.

(757): View more from Virginia

Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.

Fav 1 741 603
share tweet
(336): View more from North Carolina

Why am I wearing a dog collar

(1-336): View more from North Carolina

Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.

Fav 4 1420 687
share tweet
(651): View more from Minnesota

My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means

(651): View more from Minnesota

ITS ORAL SEX CAROL

Fav 7 1749 737
share tweet
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today

Fav 1 1260 602
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..

Fav 5 1021 568
share tweet
(604): View more from British Columbia

You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.

Fav 2 1298 584
share tweet
(778): View more from British Columbia

I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.

Fav 7 708 1334
share tweet
(803): View more from South Carolina

He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.

Fav 2 1455 527
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.

Fav 9 1897 630
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...

Fav 3 1089 703
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.

Fav 2 558 861
share tweet
(085): View more from

I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper

Fav 6 1198 526
share tweet
(765): View more from Indiana

Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?

Fav 1 977 826
share tweet
(224): View more from Illinois

I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.

Fav 0 831 606
share tweet
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.

Fav 2 633 891
share tweet
(580): View more from Oklahoma

I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.

Fav 1 1174 618
share tweet
(559): View more from California

I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon

Fav 0 695 850
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us

(845): View more from New York

I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god

Fav 1 1251 552
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur

Fav 0 920 570
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.

Fav 3 1048 614
share tweet
(313): View more from Michigan

420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.

Fav 1 1091 933
share tweet
(310): View more from California

Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...

Fav 0 800 823
share tweet
(407): View more from Florida

If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.

Fav 3 925 576
share tweet
(518): View more from New York

Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.

Fav 2 1349 527
share tweet
(843): View more from South Carolina

I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.

(561): View more from Florida

Your mother would be so proud

Fav 6 1123 585
share tweet
(937): View more from Ohio

I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.

Fav 2 573 817
share tweet
(317): View more from Indiana

Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.

Fav 3 1167 547
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?

Fav 2 1237 543
share tweet
(859): View more from Kentucky

We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.

Fav 5 1228 671
share tweet
(616): View more from Michigan

I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.

Fav 0 742 534
share tweet
(920): View more from Wisconsin

"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."

Fav 2 795 600
share tweet
(864): View more from South Carolina

I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.

Fav 6 1139 700
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.

Fav 9 1618 642
share tweet
(701): View more from North Dakota

Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'

(701): View more from North Dakota

That's true love, there.

Fav 0 1103 782
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.

Fav 0 1216 681
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.

Fav 2 1663 708
share tweet
(515): View more from Iowa

I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.

Fav 10 1548 629
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.

Fav 10 1059 696
share tweet
(330): View more from Ohio

Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.

Fav 9 1389 740
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend

Fav 10 1354 781
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.

Fav 8 782 1432
share tweet
(309): View more from Illinois

It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.

(1-309): View more from Illinois

...Wow...

(309): View more from Illinois

I could be a kindergarten teacher

Fav 20 1652 805
share tweet
(417): View more from Missouri

For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song

Fav 4 1710 706
share tweet
(251): View more from Alabama

We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.

Fav 3 1263 729
share tweet
(434): View more from Virginia

THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER

Fav 8 1204 798
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.

Fav 3 1396 659
share tweet
(734): View more from Michigan

Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.

Fav 10 1690 1008
share tweet
(718): View more from New York

Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.

Fav 14 3101 1059
share tweet
(904): View more from Florida

Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.

Fav 7 2067 724
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG

(1-614): View more from Ohio

HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS

Fav 10 1955 1156
share tweet
(540): View more from Virginia

It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...

Fav 6 2134 824
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.

Fav 5 1215 783
share tweet
(414): View more from Wisconsin

Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?

Fav 4 938 563
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?

Fav 8 1419 1021
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?

Fav 4 1339 606
share tweet
(843): View more from South Carolina

Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors

Fav 12 704 1787
share tweet
(310): View more from California

I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase

Fav 3 1208 765
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."

Fav 10 2306 810
share tweet
(650): View more from California

We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.

(650): View more from California

And so far nothing been broken!

Fav 4 2780 839
share tweet
(907): View more from Alaska

Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.

Fav 5 866 710
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

How's my date look?

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Like a retarded elf

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

In a good way

Fav 6 1010 994
share tweet
(713): View more from Texas

WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!

Fav 10 820 1086
share tweet
(602): View more from Arizona

Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.

(316): View more from Kansas

That's the best creepy text ever.

Fav 7 1841 957
share tweet
(787): View more from Puerto Rico

He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads

(1-787): View more from Puerto Rico

Croutons?

Fav 3 1859 682
share tweet
(510): View more from California

It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.

Fav 4 1252 735
share tweet
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid

Fav 2 996 509
share tweet
(708): View more from Illinois

I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.

Fav 3 1392 1219
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"

Fav 8 3266 832
share tweet
(415): View more from California

When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

Fav 17 9868 1514
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?

Fav 8 6171 1348
share tweet
(281): View more from Texas

I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..

Fav 12 3424 1002
share tweet
(618): View more from Illinois

Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.

Fav 7 3519 1466
share tweet
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

Fav 17 7811 1402
share tweet
(555): View more from

After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.

Fav 6 4880 1183
share tweet
(785): View more from Kansas

One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know

Fav 14 2204 3587
share tweet
(252): View more from North Carolina

i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.

Fav 8 2138 890
share tweet
(905): View more from Ontario

Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.

Fav 4 820 3054
share tweet
(423): View more from Tennessee

take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.

Fav 20 2572 1311
share tweet
(319): View more from Iowa

WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER

(1-319): View more from Iowa

THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL

Fav 12 3226 779
share tweet
(707): View more from California

I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.

(1-707): View more from California

Put down the everclear and go to bed.

Fav 2 2149 791
share tweet
(873): View more from

I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in

Fav 3 2301 712
share tweet
(678): View more from Georgia

Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."

Fav 24 2048 14904
share tweet
(310): View more from California

Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho

Fav 56 2509 15425
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?

Fav 46 1354 16652
share tweet
(978): View more from Massachusetts

If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.

Fav 6 2055 1512
share tweet
(713): View more from Texas

Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'

Fav 5 3938 1147
share tweet
(706): View more from Georgia

I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.

Fav 50 6020 1958
share tweet