Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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