Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
