I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
