thus making me awesome and them whores
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
