I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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