Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
