They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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