Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
