Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
