6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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