Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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